5 years ago on June 8, 2011, I wrote a letter to myself for one of my classes. We wrote it, brought it class in an envelope, and handed to our teacher who promised he would send it out 5 years later. My letter arrived today, and it stirs old and new emotions in me.
I feel like I've definitely grown a lot since then. I was 17 and a junior in high school when I wrote this letter. I hadn't experienced college, hadn't been challenged, and was definitely too young and dumb to do anything. I am proud to say that I have grown and that I have actually accomplished a lot of the things I hope I would from 5 years ago.
One excerpt:
"APUSH was the hardest class I took this year, but I got through it and passed. (Question: Did APUSH help at all for my career?)"
Sigh, that is gold. And no, Past Charles, APUSH did not help at all.
I think the part that tore me up the most was the last thing I wrote to myself. I've definitely been struggling lately - feeling lost and confused about life. I see the class of 2011, and think why I am part of that. It is so difficult for me to deal with failure/disappointment/rejection that sometimes I just want to shut my life down and not deal with it. And lately, I've been seeing and feeling like I've been a disappointment - not to anyone in particular but to myself. I'd call it a quarter-life crisis almost. But the last part of the letter that I wrote to myself was something that I have not been living up to.
"This is a quote from one of my coaches (Coach Mooney) and it's a cool saying that cool people say to sound cool. [Present Charles: I don't know why I wrote that. Definitely gay.]
'There is no limit to hustle'
I love this quote, because someone's hustle can be anything. Hustling on the basketball court to make a near-impossible block, hustling on the football field making a touchdown saving tackle, hustling in school to make grades to go to UCLA, hustling in life to control YOUR life, not others controlling it.
But no matter how hard you hustle, there is always another level above. There is an infinite amount of hustle. It is impossible to reach the peak of hustle. So for everything you do, remember: 'There is no limit to hustle.'"
Eff. Funny how things come to you like that. God is full of humor. Thank you God and thank you Past Charles for this.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, June 10
Monday, April 18
Blessed
Umm....
Now that I'm through the difficult months, I'm glad to KNOW that I have lots of blessings around me. The past two weeks have been filled with happy feelings.
My only goal is to return the favors. As special as many of you have made me feel, I've never needed it more. I hope I can just do the same.
Perfect timing with Easter coming up. ptl
Now that I'm through the difficult months, I'm glad to KNOW that I have lots of blessings around me. The past two weeks have been filled with happy feelings.
My only goal is to return the favors. As special as many of you have made me feel, I've never needed it more. I hope I can just do the same.
Perfect timing with Easter coming up. ptl
Wednesday, February 9
Friday, January 7
Obsolete
Read this article.
Isn't it crazy how these things will be completely obsolete for babies born in 2011?
It's kind of sad because most of the things on the list consisted of actual contact with people/things, real visuals, and a much more personal experience. I think our generation is lucky to have experienced these things (of the past) and to head into a society where technology will be much more prevalent. We understand the coolness and innovation that comes with technological advances, but we also understand that it takes away from personable situations.
For myself, I enjoy things like e-mail, chatting online, and texting because:
1 - it's instantaneous;
2 - easy to communicate to large amounts of people all over the world;
3 - hides some emotions.
But I definitely hate that aspect as well. It's much to easy to hide behind words - on a technology based machine, you can sound like (or become) anything you want through the way you present your words. And that idea sickens me. I find so much more value in being able to walk the walk instead of just talking the (fake, internet communication) talk.
Remember elementary/junior high, when girls used to write everything on little stationary papers with gel pens? A lot of my (girl) friends had notebooks that they passed to each other to gossip, or rant, or whatever else they wrote about in those books. That was personal stuff. It was much easier to see emotions through a hand-written page of gossip. But now, kids have phones and text their gossip. And unless there is a magical emotion-telling iPhone app now, everyone's responses to everything will seem the same (unless they use smileys or ALL CAPS).
I've definitely been affected by the ease of communication that technology provides. It hands you a mask that you can either take or not take. It's quite easy to take it and use it because of the emotional protection it provides. And because the babies of 2011, along with the rest of society, will grow up with that, it saddens me.
Here's to hoping Skynet won't take over the world while I'm here.
Isn't it crazy how these things will be completely obsolete for babies born in 2011?
It's kind of sad because most of the things on the list consisted of actual contact with people/things, real visuals, and a much more personal experience. I think our generation is lucky to have experienced these things (of the past) and to head into a society where technology will be much more prevalent. We understand the coolness and innovation that comes with technological advances, but we also understand that it takes away from personable situations.
For myself, I enjoy things like e-mail, chatting online, and texting because:
1 - it's instantaneous;
2 - easy to communicate to large amounts of people all over the world;
3 - hides some emotions.
But I definitely hate that aspect as well. It's much to easy to hide behind words - on a technology based machine, you can sound like (or become) anything you want through the way you present your words. And that idea sickens me. I find so much more value in being able to walk the walk instead of just talking the (fake, internet communication) talk.
Remember elementary/junior high, when girls used to write everything on little stationary papers with gel pens? A lot of my (girl) friends had notebooks that they passed to each other to gossip, or rant, or whatever else they wrote about in those books. That was personal stuff. It was much easier to see emotions through a hand-written page of gossip. But now, kids have phones and text their gossip. And unless there is a magical emotion-telling iPhone app now, everyone's responses to everything will seem the same (unless they use smileys or ALL CAPS).
I've definitely been affected by the ease of communication that technology provides. It hands you a mask that you can either take or not take. It's quite easy to take it and use it because of the emotional protection it provides. And because the babies of 2011, along with the rest of society, will grow up with that, it saddens me.
Here's to hoping Skynet won't take over the world while I'm here.
Friday, December 17
5am Cruising
I just took my father to the airport.
Because my sleep schedule has been so messed up, it just made sense for me to do taxi duty.
On the way down to LAX, traffic was super light (because it's freaking 5am). We hopped on the 10 West, 405 South, exited Century, all that good stuff. On the way back, I got back onto the 405 North - but got distracted by a bunch of flashing lights. As I emerged onto the freeway, I saw maybe 7 or 8 fire trucks, all flashing super bright, and about 4 or 5 Highway Patrol cars flashing their lights as well. Then I saw about 3 ambulances making their way towards the sight. According to SigAlert, it looks like it was a collision. If my dad and I had left maybe 10 minutes later than we did, we would've have either been stuck in the traffic due to Highway Patrol stopping everything, or we would've been in the accident. Thank God we left when we did.
Then on the 10 East, a car drifted into my lane and almost hit me.
Shit.
Driving at 5am is not a good thing. Well, nothing at 5am is never a good thing [unless it is either sleep or McDonald's breakfast].
Because my sleep schedule has been so messed up, it just made sense for me to do taxi duty.
On the way down to LAX, traffic was super light (because it's freaking 5am). We hopped on the 10 West, 405 South, exited Century, all that good stuff. On the way back, I got back onto the 405 North - but got distracted by a bunch of flashing lights. As I emerged onto the freeway, I saw maybe 7 or 8 fire trucks, all flashing super bright, and about 4 or 5 Highway Patrol cars flashing their lights as well. Then I saw about 3 ambulances making their way towards the sight. According to SigAlert, it looks like it was a collision. If my dad and I had left maybe 10 minutes later than we did, we would've have either been stuck in the traffic due to Highway Patrol stopping everything, or we would've been in the accident. Thank God we left when we did.
Then on the 10 East, a car drifted into my lane and almost hit me.
Shit.
Driving at 5am is not a good thing. Well, nothing at 5am is never a good thing [unless it is either sleep or McDonald's breakfast].
Monday, December 6
Sunday, November 28
Tuesday, November 16
Looking Forward
You know what sucks?
My one goal for this school year is to FINISH. Finish this damn school year and close my college career by the end of 2011. The plan is to be a UCLA Graduate by the time 2012 comes around. I've been stressing so so so much since last Spring quarter when I realized I didn't want to do a minor. I kind of slacked last year because I thought I would take a full 5th year to complete my major and minor, but now that I don't have a minor, I want to just finish my major as soon as possible. And the soonest I can finish is at the end of Fall 2011. So I'm working and stressing my ass off to complete everything and be completely finished. The light at the end of the tunnel is officially completing my major and accepting my degree. It gives me hope and motivation while I stress and grow white hairs during this school year.
BUT
I hate hearing how all the recent grads say "Being a graduate sucks." I can't wait for anything other than freedom from the stupid rules of college and a system that always seems to hold you back. College was fun, but I've never had a more painful growing process in my life. The fact that my motivation and hope is based on finishing, and that people can't stop telling me that they'd rather be in college is unsettling.
I JUST WANT TO BE DONE and GTFO!!
My one goal for this school year is to FINISH. Finish this damn school year and close my college career by the end of 2011. The plan is to be a UCLA Graduate by the time 2012 comes around. I've been stressing so so so much since last Spring quarter when I realized I didn't want to do a minor. I kind of slacked last year because I thought I would take a full 5th year to complete my major and minor, but now that I don't have a minor, I want to just finish my major as soon as possible. And the soonest I can finish is at the end of Fall 2011. So I'm working and stressing my ass off to complete everything and be completely finished. The light at the end of the tunnel is officially completing my major and accepting my degree. It gives me hope and motivation while I stress and grow white hairs during this school year.
BUT
I hate hearing how all the recent grads say "Being a graduate sucks." I can't wait for anything other than freedom from the stupid rules of college and a system that always seems to hold you back. College was fun, but I've never had a more painful growing process in my life. The fact that my motivation and hope is based on finishing, and that people can't stop telling me that they'd rather be in college is unsettling.
I JUST WANT TO BE DONE and GTFO!!
Thursday, October 28
Cut to Free
Sometimes I wish I could just get a huge pair of scissors and free myself from everything I'm tied to.
Wednesday, October 13
Tuesday, October 12
Identity
The first step to truth is to BELIEVE.
As Pastor David spoke this message a couple of Sundays ago, it really hit me. We should know that we are first and foremost God's creation, and that we were made with purpose and with love and grace. We are not worthless - why would God make worthless creations? Once we understand, grasp, and BELIEVE our identity in Christ, then we can start to grow.
Once you label yourself, you start to grow into that label.
As Pastor David spoke this message a couple of Sundays ago, it really hit me. We should know that we are first and foremost God's creation, and that we were made with purpose and with love and grace. We are not worthless - why would God make worthless creations? Once we understand, grasp, and BELIEVE our identity in Christ, then we can start to grow.
Once you label yourself, you start to grow into that label.
Thursday, September 30
Late Update
I am no longer a resident in Westwood, Los Angeles, CA.
No more Apartment 317 on Ohio Ave.
No more late night runs to Yoshinoya.
No more random kick backs.
No easy ride back from school.
No more walking to Westwood Village to grab some grub.
I am officially a student commuter from home.
I definitely miss the apartment environment.
But...
No more empty fridge.
No more sharing rooms, bathrooms, parking spaces.
No more coin-operated laundry.
No more shuttle.
No loud lady across the apartment that yells at us for being loud at 9pm but talks mothereffing loud at 3pm on her phone on her balcony.
No more Yoshinoya-dependency.
Pros and cons.
Feels good to be home though.
La Familia es mi vida.
No more Apartment 317 on Ohio Ave.
No more late night runs to Yoshinoya.
No more random kick backs.
No easy ride back from school.
No more walking to Westwood Village to grab some grub.
I am officially a student commuter from home.
I definitely miss the apartment environment.
But...
No more empty fridge.
No more sharing rooms, bathrooms, parking spaces.
No more coin-operated laundry.
No more shuttle.
No loud lady across the apartment that yells at us for being loud at 9pm but talks mothereffing loud at 3pm on her phone on her balcony.
No more Yoshinoya-dependency.
Pros and cons.
Feels good to be home though.
La Familia es mi vida.
Friday, September 3
Thursday, August 19
Friday, July 2
Summer
- My summer consists of summer school. Sad. I don't think I've ever had a fun summer in college yet. And I'm pretty sure that I won't be having a fun summer ever.
- I realized I haven't been listening to music. I listen to the radio when I drive, but that's just for background noise. I haven't been able to connect to anything in a long while. It's really making me feel dry and it's driving me crazy. My iPod and iTunes used to be my daily sources of calm and peace, but now when I look at my iPod and open my iTunes, I feel like they're so useless.
- Why do I fail at so many things in life? I'm trying my best to preserve what I have that's good.
- I received 3 parking tickets, all within a week of each other. It would have been $150, but I contested all of them, and got two of them reduced to $10. So now I only owe $70. Yay!
- One thing that gives me joy: Making videos for Birthdays for College service at church. It takes up so much of my time every last week of the month, but I honestly LOVE doing it. I love seeing a decent product being shown, even if it's just like 2 minutes long.
- Life sucks man. It truly does.
- I realized I haven't been listening to music. I listen to the radio when I drive, but that's just for background noise. I haven't been able to connect to anything in a long while. It's really making me feel dry and it's driving me crazy. My iPod and iTunes used to be my daily sources of calm and peace, but now when I look at my iPod and open my iTunes, I feel like they're so useless.
- Why do I fail at so many things in life? I'm trying my best to preserve what I have that's good.
- I received 3 parking tickets, all within a week of each other. It would have been $150, but I contested all of them, and got two of them reduced to $10. So now I only owe $70. Yay!
- One thing that gives me joy: Making videos for Birthdays for College service at church. It takes up so much of my time every last week of the month, but I honestly LOVE doing it. I love seeing a decent product being shown, even if it's just like 2 minutes long.
- Life sucks man. It truly does.
Friday, April 16
Perks
One thing that I love about going to school at UCLA is that I won't have to say goodbye to this city once school ends. School is in LA, home is in LA, church is in LA, life is in LA. If you go to school far far away from home, how often will you be able to go back? Yeah, it's cool to see other cities and live there, but LA's big enough for my lifetime. Thanks Los Angeles. I promise I'll try to love you as you have loved me.
Sunday, November 8
Jay-Z Concert
My head is hurting.
People were smoking weed all around me and my crew, but it didn't matter. If it was going to enhance their concert experience, then more power to them. All I felt was joy and love all around me.
My already sore arms are killing me.
I could only be a slave to the commands of Jay-Z when he said "Bounce your arms like this!" I was bumping my hands, waving my shirt around my head, and throwing my arms from side to side in overflowing excitement.
My voice is gone.
Singing/screaming every Jay-Z lyrics I know was maybe a bad idea... hm... no way. Think about all the Jay-Z songs you know, and the lyrics you know to those songs. A lot huh? Losing my voice was so worth it.
My mind can't think straight.
I won't be able to recover from this epic concert. Seriously, I think I'm going to need a few days to recover and get over it. Every moment of that concert was just perfect. I was in my own world for those 4 hours.
$50 tickets,
being on the floor section ALL NIGHT,
seeing Jordan Farmar, Baron Davis, Jamie Foxx (he was literally less than 4 feet away from me) in the crowd,
watching J. Cole (seems legit) and Wale (freaking SICK end performance) open up,
being 10 yards away from Pharrell when he performed with N.E.R.D.,
and finally
just being able to experience a Jay-Z concert.
I will never ever ever be able to forget this concert.
I will forever throw the ROC in the sky.
The Blueprints, Reasonable Doubt, Life and Times, Black Album, Kingdom Come, every remix or song he was featured in... I have a newfound LOVE for Mr. Carter.
Blown away,
Charles
Wednesday, October 21
Seven Point Creed
John Wooden's Seven Point Creed,
-Be true to yourself.
-Make each day your masterpiece.
-Help others.
given to him by his father Joshua upon his graduation from grammar school:
-Be true to yourself.
-Make each day your masterpiece.
-Help others.
-Drink deeply from good books, especially the Bible.
-Make friendship a fine art.
-Build a shelter against a rainy day.
-Pray for guidance and give thanks for your blessings every day.
Saturday, October 17
Koreans
Koreans are the ultimate drama kings/queens.
DAMN YOU KOREAN ENTERTAINMENT.
Gotta stop watching this video.
PEACE.
If you don't believe me, ask any Korean and they'll be able to tell you extensively about Korean dramas or movies that they've come across in their lifetime. It might have been their parents, siblings, friends, and/or themselves who got SUCKED IN to the Korean manmade masterpieces; either way, the evidence that Koreans LOVE drama and that they love MAKING drama is inevitable.
This is common knowledge to most Koreans, and I of course have experienced the power of Korean dramas/movies firsthand. But once in a while, I forget how crazy Koreans can get about their drama. I forget how they can turn CANCER into a LOVE story. Or how PLASTIC SURGERY can turn into a story of self-love and content.
But it's just good to be reminded of how crazy it is that Korean directors, producers, screenwriters, and actors can produce such strong emotions from people.
Movie that I just watched tonight:
슬픔보다 더 슬픈 이야기
which literally translates to
This freaking movie made me think so much.
Man A loved Woman B so much that he couldn't tell her that he loved her. HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?? Woman B loved Man A so much that she married another man. HUH???
But it also made me think, "Would I be able to do the same in their positions?"
SIGH...
Damn you Korean entertainment.
Speaking of Korean entertainment, if you don't know "Abracadabra" by Brown Eyed Girls, then you don't know what's up.
DAMN YOU KOREAN ENTERTAINMENT.
Gotta stop watching this video.
PEACE.
Post-Rain
...weather is the best.
The scent the air has is CRISP.
The sun seems BRIGHTER than it should be.
The sky's color is a magnificent hue of BLUE.
Everything just feels so FRESH.
Unless the weather does a complete 180 and burns you at 90+ degrees the day after it rained. This weather is wacky, but I'll take anything over the rain.
Some random things I want to do:
- Discover some good music.
- Watch Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Where the Wild Things Are, Paranormal Activity
- Start consistently exercising. (The more I talk about it, the less guilty I feel.)
- Eat some good food around LA.
- Get some A's in my classes. HELL YEAH!
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